We had a system that worked for us, and we were equally involved. We were wading in the sometimes murky waters of “Did you pay that bill or did I, and which account did it come from?” But you know what? We had a rhythm. We felt the pressure of people asking why we didn’t have a joint bank account and if a lack of combined finances meant a lack of trust (it didn’t). Then, we got engaged and bought our first home.Īt this point, we both wondered if combined finances would be the natural next step of our shared financial journey. We became budget buddies, keeping tabs on what was coming in, and what was going out, and made sure to even up each month (thanks, Venmo). We instead divvied up the bills, with me covering utilities and him taking the lead on our rent. I wanted to stay involved, and we wanted to preserve insight into how we were rebuilding our savings individually. While we are deeply committed to each other and our relationship, we hesitated on joining any accounts because we didn’t want to fall into old patterns. Like many couples, we had common bills when we moved in together: rent, utilities, and all the other fun cohabiting stuff. But these money decisions were our own-and it was nice to truly own them. It became a running joke that I had a credit union account in a state I hadn’t lived in for years we laughed when we realized his accounts were earning dismal returns. Top of the list: keeping our accounts separate. This emotional money baggage came with me, and when my now husband and I met, we came to the table openly and honestly about what we’d do (and not do) in the future. It felt typical, like what we were “supposed to do.” When our prior marriages ended, we found ourselves facing our finances from complicated vantage points. We relinquished a bit of control to that other person and didn’t imagine doing it any other way. And yet, despite it all, when we both married at a young age to other partners, each of us combined finances with our respective spouses. We watched how finances played a central role in the post-married lives our parents carved out for themselves. From the start of our relationship, my husband and I have kept our finances separate. Without a more involved role, I was able to ignore the financial decisions being made, for better or worse.įast-forward to today: I’m in my mid-30s and recently remarried. But after my first marriage ended, I learned it really meant I was too removed from understanding how money was actually working in my life. I grew up thinking that combined finances would mean pressure off my shoulders and the freedom to focus on the things I was better at within my partnership.
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